A5

by Paul Merrigan
This Week Staff

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Ignorance is bliss, as the saying goes, and although I have been aware that being a stay-at-home dad is a non-traditional role for a man, I have also felt that it is becoming more commonplace, and hence, more supported by society.

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Stay-at-home dads are becoming increasinglyaccepted in most parts of Canada, but one father in B.C. found himself excluded from a parenting group because of his gender.

A recent event in Surrey, British Columbia, has called into question exactly how accepted, and even welcomed, dads are in the world of parenting and being primary care-givers.

Although very little attention was given to it nationally, Rick Kaselj, a registered kinesiologist and part-time stay at home dad was told that his presence in the local "Mommy and Me" group was not welcome.

The issue has been one of great interest within the stay-at-home dad community, as it strikes at the very core of one of the main battles often face by this group - reverse discrimination.

One does not have to look very far within the media to see that men are typically portrayed as the less capable parent, particularly when it comes to the emotional and domestic aspects of child-rearing.

There is no disputing that the roles of the father and mother are quite different during the pregnancy and, in particular, the birth process, as from a purely physiological standpoint, there are certain things that men are not capable of.

Once the child is born, however, the only limitation is being physically incapable of breast feeding - although fathers can bottle feed their child expressed mild or formula.

Any division of labour beyond this is based purely on the individuals involved and the pressures they feel from socially defined roles.

According to what was reported, Mr. Kaselj was sent an e-mail by the group's organizer stating that multiple women had expressed concerns about the children's security if a man was introduced to the group.

Statistically, men are no more likely to abuse children, and women are actually responsible for more child abductions than men, so these fears, while real, seem to be based on bias, rather than fact.

The other reported reason for the exclusion of Mr. Kaselj, was that many women felt that they would not be comfortable discussing certain issues with a man present, or that he would be incapable of understanding their experiences from pregnancy, birth and so on.

To exclude people from groups and discussions because they haven't gone through them personally seems to be fairly close minded. It would be akin to forbidding the teaching of history from anyone other than those that were there when major events happened.

Diverse opinions and experiences, when shared in an open and welcoming environment, should enrich the experience of those involved, not threaten them.

* Paul Merrigan is a certified private personal counsellor and stay-at-home dad to two boys. He holds a M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology. To contact him or ask a parenting question for a future column, email paulmerrigan@hotmail.com or call 364-7401.