A10

by Paul Merrigan
This Week Staff

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One thing I think that makes a huge difference in how stressful or how enjoyable your time as a parent can be is the relationship you have with your spouse. After all, if both parents are in the picture, raising the children should really be a collaborative effort, one which takes into account the thoughts, feelings, strengths and needs of each parent.

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Parenting requires work from both partners.

The key to having an effective and healthy approach to this is communication. Given that everyone has their own personalities, unless you regularly talk to your partner about things related to your roles as parents, your differences will become more and more apparent and potentially cause problems.

With 168 hours in the run of a week, it's a worthwhile investment to put aside some time to specifically talk to each other about how things are going between each other and also with regards to any grey areas with your children.

Even taking one hour a week to talk can save you so much wasted time on the arguments that otherwise occur. With real life responsibilities and concerns, such as paying the bills, work and keeping the kids safe and sound in general, it's very easy to ignore the so-called "little problems".

The reality about little problems is that when they are ignored long enough and not dealt with, they become huge problems. It is better to deal with these seemingly insignificant or annoying issues when they are actually small. Ignoring them leads to arguments, frustration and even resentment - all feelings that lead to major issues.

If you feel as though all parenting decisions run through you or your spouse, the imbalance really needs to be dealt with. Making decisions together will mean a lot of work in the beginning, but the payoff is more than worth it.

Improving communication and learning to compromise to create unified decisions means more consistency, will benefits kids and parents alike. Having faith in your partners ability to raise your kids is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Take the time to figure out the direction your partner-"ship" - otherwise, you and your spouse might be rowing in circles.

n Paul Merrigan is a certified private personal counsellor and stay-at-home dad to two boys. He holds a M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology. To contact him or ask a parenting question for a future column, email paulmerrigan@hotmail.com or call 364-7401.