A10

by Paul Merrigan
This Week Staff

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Even when it is a made as an educated and informed decision, making the transition from couple to family is one that brings with it many questions, concerns and stresses. The responsibility of bringing another person into the word and then caring for them for the next 18 years (or more) is quite heavy and definitely not for the weak of heart.

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Becoming a parent for the first time can be both frightening and exciting.

Fortunately, there are many resources available to first time parents. The other side of this coin, of course, is that often there is so much information, that it's very difficult to wade through the sheer volume and find things that are useful for your particular situation.

The most important thing for parents to be is prepared. Make sure that you take the time to talk to health professionals and other parents before you even try for pregnancy. There is no way that you will be prepared for everything, but every question you get answered beforehand is one less you will be scrambling to find the answer for when the time comes.

As well, you will have far more time to find answers before you have a child than after - any parent will tell you this fact.

Another thing to remember is that your child will not come with an instruction manual. Children are unique and despite the consistencies you have within your own home, even siblings will be quite different from one another.

If you come across a resource that seems to hit the nail on the head for a particular question you have, don't blindly rely on that one resource as "the" guide to your child. Ultimately, the only person who is going to be the expert on your child is you.

Borrow from various resources - use what works and discard what doesn't. Keep in mind that challenges and changes are not going to occur overnight.

The most important thing for couples is to communicate with each other through each of the stages of this transition: before pregnancy, during pregnancy and after the child is born.

Externalizing and discussing your concerns with your partner will go a long way to developing the collaborative approach that you will need as parents. Determine strengths and weaknesses that you both have and come to a consensus on things such as health care, discipline - anything you can think of. You're going to have enough surprises from your child, don't add to it!

Some recommended readings to get you started;

What to Expect When You're Expecting 4th Edition - Wildy popular and very thorough. It's quite a read, so thank goodness for indexes! There is a tremendous amount of information in the series. There is also a website found at www.whattoexpect.com

First Time Pregnancy

www.firsttimepregnancy.com - This is an online community where parents can meet to discuss questions and get help from other parents. It's fairly user friendly and is worth checking out to see if it is useful for you.

Bookstores and Libraries

There is no shortage of books available to new and expectant parents. Look for suggestions online and read reviews to see if the book is appealing to you. Friends and other parents will also usually have books for you to borrow. Again, do your reading before birth if you can - there will be a lot more time!

* Paul Merrigan is a certified private personal counsellor and stay-at-home dad to two boys. He holds a M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology. To contact him, email paulmerrigan@hotmail.com or call 364-7401.